Look down on me with love

A poem from 2009:

Lord I am struggling
I cannot sleep
Help me Father
Help me
I am afraid
I am weak
I am never enough

I am never good enough.

Help me, Father
I am struggling
I am dying inside
And I want free
Free from this aching,
Free from this shaking,
This fear.

Lord,
God above
Look down on me with love
Comfort thy daughter
Who reaches
But falls short

Lord,
Father Dear,
Wait not to draw me near
To let me feel Thy presence
Lord,
My God above
Look down on me with love.

God,
In my need
I have reached toward Thee
And Thou hast touched me.
Oh God,
In my need,
I have sought Thy word,
And it did comfort me.

God,
All that I have is Thine
And all I work to grow
Is not really mine
But I do love it as my own.

And so, God,
Thou canst hold me
In Thy hand
And this is how I ever shall stand
Supported by Thee -
Lord, Help me
To not always be afraid
Take my heart
And make it brave
Take my mind
and help me know the way,
And hold me near Thy heart today.

Help me Lord,
Know what to pray
My soul yearns for
The words I cannot say.

Father in Heaven,
God above,
Look down on me
With love.

Give me strength that I may bear
Whatever I may need to bear
Oh my God,
Help me not to fear,
And please Lord,
Hasten to come near
Save my soul,
I pray.

Oh my Father,
God above,
Look down on me
With love.

How do I know that God is real?
I guess I do not know for sure...
I do not know exactly who he is,
I haven't seen Him
I only know what I've been told
Except
I know that someone cares
For I've had answers to my prayers
So many times.
Who is he, really?
I would like to find
The answer to this question
In my mind I try to picture how
A God would spend his time,
If he has any...
If God does know my name
Does it ever come into His mind?
Somehow he gives me what I need
By providence divine,
But does he see me?
Tell me,
Does my father ever really
Think of me?  

Che cosa Dio vuole da me?
Che cosa?
Voglio essere qualcosa differente
Ma che cosa?
Voglio essere una nuova persona,
Nuova
Sempre meglio
Piu' chiara, piu' serena
Piu'sincera,
Voglio trovare ogni verita'
Che c'era,
Voglio sapere
Ogni cosa,
e persona,
e parola
che
e' vera.

Teachers...

The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called "truth." ~Dan Rather

Practice

A quote I found on a blog today (for yoga, actually), that I really loved...    It describes how I feel about my musical study and practice, exactly:

"Abhyasa (practice) is a dedicated, unswerving, constant, and vigilant search into a chosen subject pursued against all odds in the face of repeated failures, for indefinitely long periods of time."- B.K.S. Iyengar

(here is the blog it was from:)
http://christinasell.blogspot.com/2011/07/we-had-really-fun-group-practice.html

Evidence of things not seen

Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Unto the furthest ends

I want to be clean and pure
Just as I was once before
I want to have all swept away
And never feel again the way
That I have felt so long.

All these things take time,
God knows our hearts
He knows our minds
He takes our hands and leads us
Daily
Through our lives
And helps us grow,
And helps us learn
One step at a time.

Our thoughts have been no secret
Our intentions no unknown
Though to some
We may conceal it
God has known us,
He has held us
All along....
And how he loves us.

Though I try to stay
Untainted
All have fallen,
All but One.
If the life that I have painted
Could seem blameless unto some
Still God has seen me.

For I falter
And I stumble
And I fall
Again and again,
I return to the same sins.
And I shame Him
For He takes my shame -
He took it as His own.

If a light of goodness can be seen
Inside each of our eyes
God can see it
He is our Father, wise,
And all our deeds are no surprise
In His great vision.

If our Father
Who is in heaven
Sees each sparkle,
Sees each vein
Each streak of light -
Each thought of goodness
Every desire to do right -
 - In every soul -
Surely He views our souls as precious,
Surely He reaches out to help us,
Surely He loves us.

And though to Him my sins
Show just as plainly on my face
As does my faith,
He knows that if I choose to follow Him,
And turn to Him
With all my strength
Eventually
The light He sees inside of me
Will win.

He sees...
And waits for me to reach to Him
In every grief
And each despair
And when I fall,
To know that He is there
Even in darkness
Even when I cannot bear the light
At all
He is still aware;
He is in the greatest depths
Because He has descended there.

He pulls me up -

Because His arm extends
Into the deepest dark,
Unto the furthest ends.