I am the Captain of My Soul

My brother just read me a lovely poem that I thought I would post here: 

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. 

- William Ernest Henley (1849 - 1902 / Gloucester / England)

Blessings and Fasting

Today I feel unreasonably and unusually happy... I don't know if it's because of the absolutely gorgeous weather here in San Francisco the last few days...or perhaps the fact that I have had a few days off for Thanksgiving which has allowed me to both sleep in AND go outside and enjoy the weather a bit...  But in any case, I am feeling happy.  :-)

I also feel like God has been answering some of my questions lately about how to proceed in the coming days/weeks/months ahead.  I don't know everything I am going to do, but I feel like I know what I do and don't need to worry about these next few weeks before the end of the semester, anyway.

I have been thinking about fasting and prayer the past few days.  I have gotten several blessings before (for those of you who don't know what that is, it's where someone who holds the priesthood lays their hands on your head and says things they feel inspired to bless you with, or sometimes counsel you about, or just encourage/comfort you). If the priesthood holder is listening to the Spirit then their words can be very helpful, and the things God would like you to hear or understand.   I have received a lot of comfort and guidance in my life from these blessings I have gotten.  I usually try to write everything down I remember from them after I get them. Then I can look back later and remember what they said and often their words help me with other situations in my life, as well.  I probably ask for a blessing at least once or twice a year...when I am feeling particularly in need... or confused, or sick, or sad.

Anyway, I was just reading one of the blessings I got from my Bishop, Donald Fletcher, last year...which said that when I need to make an important decision, to fast and pray and the answer would be made clear to me.  I have felt like I needed some answers lately, so I decided to go ahead and fast earlier this week.    When I fast I usually don't eat for just two meals...skipping breakfast and lunch and then I eat dinner.   So earlier this week I did that one day.  I do feel like answers to my questions will often come more quickly or more clearly when I fast... which was the same that happened for me this week.  The feelings I get about decisions I am worried about feel more clear, and I can be more certain about what is right.

So today I am feeling so grateful for so many things.   I am grateful for blessings, and all the wisdom and comfort and guidance they have brought into my life.  I am grateful to have specific things I can do...such as fasting, to increase my spiritual sensitivity when I am in need of guidance.  I am grateful to God, for my existence. I am so grateful to be alive.

I was looking online for some blessing pictures and I found so many... Here is a mini-collage of them:

Baby blessing! 

Jesus blessing children. 

At home.

Jesus. 

Healing the blind man. 

 More babies! 

Another stained glass version. 

In church. 

Blessing the sick. 

And me.  Hehe. :-) 

Down in the River to Pray

My sister and I love to sing this song that we heard for the first time on the movie, Oh Brother Where Are Thou? I was just feeling like listening to it yesterday, and I found this video on Youtube with all of these old pictures of various people getting baptised in rivers. I thought it was really cool and touching, so I decided to post it here. Maybe my sister and I will make a recording of this together someday.

Forgiveness

Today at church one of the speakers was talking about the atonement Christ made for us, and how it is implemented in our lives in two ways: repentance and forgiveness.

He said we often talk about how the atonement makes it possible for us to repent, but we don't as often talk about how it also makes it possible for us to forgive.

He said that he served for some time as a Bishop, and what he saw was that it was much easier for people to repent who knew that they had done something wrong, than it was for people to forgive who had been innocent victims of a person's wrongdoing.

He quoted the scripture from the Doctrine and Covenants that says:  Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

 10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men. (D&C Section 64 verses 9-1).

This is a very hard doctrine to accept, at times, he said.  People will say, "You mean to tell me that if someone rapes or steals or murders and I don't forgive them than I am worse than they?"

He said that in the long run, if we do not forgive, this is actually so -- because stealing or murdering are wrongs that take place in our temporal world and have immediate effects.  But if we choose to harbor ill feelings in our hearts towards people forever, essentially it stops our progression. We cannot be made whole because we refuse to allow Christ's atonement to take effect, and so there remains in us the greater sin.

He said that heaven will be filled with people who all have these two things in common:  They all have forgiven and they all have been forgiven.

"That's not to say that forgiveness has to happen right away" he said.  God understands that forgiveness is a process, and it takes time.

He said that as a Bishop he saw many people who were deeply wronged (such as being cheated on by their spouse), and they had to go through a process that he began to see as very predictable: first shock, and then denial, and then anger, bitterness, confusion, pain, etc...  He said that obviously if a husband cheats on his wife she is not expected to say that night, "Alright honey that's okay.  I forgive you, no problem."   But, he said, we should allow the forgiveness process to take place, and that in time Christ can heal us, and we can all forgive each other of the injuries they cause us.  

He also quoted someone else whom I can't remember (and I can't find the quote when I search for it online at the moment, either).   But it said something to this effect:  "Justice is merciful to the innocent and Mercy is just to the wrong-doer".   What he meant when he quoted it is that Christ's atonement covers all of our sins, as well as all of our injuries.   Christ suffered to satisfy the demands of justice so that he might show mercy; his sacrifice "balances" the scales of Justice and Mercy.   That means that we can have perfect faith that even if we are greatly wronged in this life on earth, we can know that eventually Christ's atonement will compensate for that which has been lost to us, and will also give just consequences for the unrepentant who have wronged us. That makes it possible to freely forgive our brothers and sisters, whatever it is that they have done, because we can simply hand it over to God and know that he will take care of it in the best way.

I just wanted to share those words because they were touching to me today. I've had some wrongs done to me in my life that I still need to forgive people for.  I am so grateful to God for his gospel...the "good news", that all will be made right, that everyone in this world who is willing to repent and forgive can return to live with him in peace, and joy, and love, forever.  

Prayer and Scriptures

When I was twelve years old I had a wonderful bishop who was especially involved and kind to me as a youth in my congregation.  His name was Lee Blatter.


One night, he was speaking to the youth at a fireside (an evening get-together to talk/learn about spiritual things). I don't remember exactly what the topic was, but there is one sentence he said that evening that I have carried with me all my life. 

 I was sitting in the first or second row as he spoke to us in a room at the church. As he was teaching us, he made us a promise, saying, with tears in his eyes, "I promise you that if you will read the scriptures and sincerely pray every day, that you will never stray too far from the straight and narrow path."  
As soon as he said that, I wanted to have that promise.  I wanted to know that my heart could always stay open to God's guidance.  I wanted to know that I might not stray too far from God's path for my life, and that if I did stray, I could find my way back again. I wanted to continually be in communication with my heavenly parents and the Holy Spirit who could teach and direct me.

So, throughout my life, I have held fast to that promise.  I have missed a day now and then of scripture study, but for the most part, I have read the scriptures and offered my sincere prayers to Heavenly Father every day of my life since then.   And it has helped me in more ways than I could number.   I have been comforted and directed on countless occasions, sometimes through reading something that struck me with such power that I feel almost like it must have been written just for me, or often through praying and listening and receiving some quiet inspiration that directed me through a difficult situation.  I have felt God heal and soften my heart towards others over time, as I seek his grace to help me forgive, to not be angry or jealous or resentful. I have felt his power comfort and guide me when I have been afraid or distressed.  I have sought his direction every time I have to make an important decision in my life, and I have found peace and direction through quiet thoughts and feelings in my heart when I pray. 

And I pray now that God will continue to guide me in my life, to ever and ever greater understanding, to do his work more and more fully as a true disciple of Christ.   Amen.

The Beatitudes

When I was working on my degree at Texas Christian University I took a modern music analysis course, and one of the pieces I analyzed was Arvo Pärt's setting of the Beatitudes.  I was so impressed and touched by its beauty, and even more amazed after I analyzed it and found out how absolutely mathematically perfect it is.  The entire piece creates a perfect arc, reaching a climactic middle "Amen", after which the organ plays a complete palindrome (mirror image) of all the singing which came before, descending and finally dying away. 

The words are from Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, found in the New Testament of the Bible, Matthew Chapter 5. (The term beatitude comes from the Latin adjective beatus which means happy, fortunate, or blissful. The word "blessed" in these teachings has been defined as an "exclamation of the inner joy and peace that comes with being right with God".^[1] )

1 And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him:

2 And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,

3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. 

5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 

12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Amen! 

Whenever I hear or read the words of Jesus I am so moved by his incredible goodness and wisdom, and I know his words must be true.  When he says, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God," I know that he meant what he said. 

Listen to this!  :-)

Link: http://youtu.be/ZJ7SUgvTCh0


^[1] "Beatitudes." Wikipedia.org: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beatitudes 

Keep the Commandments

Today I am so grateful for the commandments.  It becomes more and more evident to me, as I go through my life, how keeping the commandments has been a protection to me.  Keeping the commandments helps me to be free, and happy. They help me to have healthy, loving relationships with everyone around me.  They help me to become better each day.   They are guidelines God has given to us for our good.  They help us, not hinder us.  They move us forward, not hold us back.  

I was just looking up the Ten Commandments in the Bible, and I found all these wonderful scriptures in the Old Testament, that seem to be  the law Jesus taught us to follow in the New Testament.  I think that this Higher Law that Christ taught has always been the law which God has desired men to live by, but Christ gave us a new understanding of these laws with his perfect example. 

 In the following verses, we see most important laws that Christ taught to us in the  New Testament... To love the Lord our God with all our hearts, to not judge, to love our neighbor as ourselves (whether a stranger from a foreign land or someone we know).   Isn't it interesting that it is found here in the oldest books of the Old Testament?   But the people did not understand these laws they were given, and so faltered constantly, worshiping idols, seeking vengence, judging with harsh judgments.  The Lord allowed them to live by what we now call the "Law of Moses", which is "an eye for and eye, and a tooth for a tooth", because they were stubborn and did not want to live by these greater commandments which God had given them.   

But read some of these verses and tell me if it doesn't sound like what Jesus taught us (I italicized parts I thought were especially meaningful and relevant) : 

4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord:

 5 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

 6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:


 7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

 8 And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.

 9 And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.


 12 Then beware lest thou forget the Lord, which brought thee forth out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.

 14 Ye shall not go after other gods, of the gods of the people which are round about you;




16 Ye shall not tempt the Lord your God...

 17 Ye shall diligently keep the commandments of the Lord your God, and his testimonies, and his statutes, which he hath commanded thee.

 18 And thou shalt do that which is right and good in the sight of the Lord: that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest go in and possess the good land which the Lord sware unto thy fathers,



 24 And the Lord commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as it is at this day.

 25 And it shall be our righteousness, if we observe to do all these commandments before the Lord our God, as he hath commanded us.

Leviticus 19: 

3 Ye shall fear every man his mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the Lord your God.

 4 Turn ye not unto idols, nor make to yourselves molten gods: I am the Lord your God.

 5 And if ye offer a sacrifice of peace offerings unto the Lord, ye shall offer it at your own will.

11 Ye shall not steal, neither deal falsely, neither lie one to another.

18 Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord.

 30 Ye shall keep my sabbaths, and reverence my sanctuary: I am the Lord.

33 And if a stranger sojourn with thee in your land, ye shall not vex him.

 34 But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.

35 Ye shall do no unrighteousness in judgment, in meteyard, in weight, or in measure.

And here is what Jesus taught in the New Testament: 

Matthew 22: 

 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

 38 This is the first and great commandment.

 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

So, ALL of the commandments hang on these two great commandments:  To love the Lord, and to love our neighbor.  This is what all the commandments are given to us to help us do.  

In the book of John he tells us, "He who loveth not knoweth not God, for God is Love."

I was actually just meaning to look up the Ten Commandments earlier.  Here they are, as found in the Book of Mormon, when the prophet Abinidi went to teach them to the wicked King Noah.  I love how he says, I will read to you the commandments, "for I perceive they are not written in your hearts."  The commandments become written in our hearts as we learn to live by them.  Then we know them by experience, by the condition of our hearts and souls, by our hearts being full of love and patience and humility.  Then the word of God is written in them.  

11 And now I read unto you the remainder of the commandments of God, for I perceive that they are not written in your hearts; I perceive that ye have studied and taught iniquity the most part of your lives.

 12 And now, ye remember that I said unto you: Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of things which are in heaven above, or which are in the earth beneath, or which are in the water under the earth.

 13 And again: Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto them, nor serve them; for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquities of the fathers upon the children, unto the third and fourth generations of them that hate me;

 14 And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me and keep my commandments.

 15 Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

 16 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

 17 Six days shalt thou labor, and do all thy work;

 18 But the seventh day, the sabbath of the Lord thy God, thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy man-servant, nor thy maid-servant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates;

 19 For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, and the sea, and all that in them is; wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it. [I also try to avoid doing business on the Sabbath day as much as possible, to avoid making it a normal work day for myself or other people]. 

 20 Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

 21 Thou shalt not kill.

 22 Thou shalt not commit adultery. Thou shalt not steal.

 23 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

 24 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his man-servant, nor his maid-servant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor’s.

So there they are, the Ten Commandments.  

I am reminded of the words of a simple little children's song I sang in primary when I was a kid: 

Keep the commandments,

Keep the commandments,

In this there is safety

In this there is peace. 

He will send blessings,

He will send blessings,

Words of a prophet:

Keep the commandments,

In this there is safety and peace. 

I know from my own experience that there truly is both safety and peace in keeping the commandments of God.   He helps us to draw closer to him through these directions, closer to the truth, and closer to each other in love.  Though it is not always easy, I know that keeping the commandments brings us to a state of being which is greater and happier.   And sometimes keeping the commandments even brings us temporary discomfort, pain, or loneliness. But I know that doing the right thing is ALWAYS the best thing.  And the damage we can do to our own selves and others by not obeying the commandments far outweighs any sacrifices we make in order to keep them.    The blessings of keeping the commandments begin on the inside of our souls, in the very deepest parts of us.  So the benefits are not always immediately apparent.  But as we have faith and press forward in following God's laws, I know we will all see the great benefit and wisdom there is in following them, in time.  

    I am so grateful for a loving God, who cares enough about us to give us specific guidance and direction in our lives.   Thank God for the commandments.