I know I have pretty much made the promises already in my heart to live according to God's commandments, but making them officially - dressed in white and in the temple with other people witnessing it - of course is somehow more serious - like deciding to get baptized. Anyway, thinking about this has caused me to do quite a bit of soul-searching lately and to think seriously about what I believe and why I believe it. I have decided that in the coming days I want to make a serious study of the other religions of the world and to attend some other church services, in order to better understand the religion that I am choosing to follow as opposed to any other religion I could choose to follow in the world.... I want to have a sound understanding of the doctrines of -- not just my own -- but of all the major religions. This is going to take some work.
I know through experience that the principles I have learned to live by from this church all of my life have proven to be true principles, again and again and again. I know there is a quiet voice inside of me which tells me what is right and wrong, and guides me when I need to make a decision. I know God hears my prayers because I have had them answered so many times. I know I have felt a power from outside of myself, comforting me and leading me.
But there is so much I do not know. I want to know the answers to all my questions...and I know that we can't know everything at once (just like in any secular field as much as in spirituality), but it is frustrating sometimes how long it can take to come to certain realizations, or to understand certain concepts.
Even in music, I have wished for years and years that I could have perfect pitch (the ability to hear any musical tone and immediately know what pitch it is)... and I have worked on it very diligently. But as of yet, I have never succeeded in developing it. I know that perfect pitch exists, I know many people have it and I have many friends that have it. And of course I know that the idea of an "absolute pitch" (or absolute truth!) exists... I play them (absolute pitches) all the time - I can see it them, hear them, and understand the idea intellectually, but for some reason I cannot yet seem to make that particular truth become a part of me - I cannot seem to yet recognize the "absoluteness" of pitches...even though intellectually I can understand the concept is true.
I know it is much the same in spiritual matters. Just because I am unable to see or hear everything for myself does not mean that something is not so, or that it doesn't exist. But I still desire to know, to learn to recognize every truth for myself. And I will continue to strive to develop my spiritual gifts, just as I continue to try to develop my musical gifts. I am completely determined in this matter, and I will not give up. And I know God will continue to help me along the way... In the mean-time (until I am able to come to the points of realization I desire), in music practice and in spiritual development, I base my actions on faith... on a firm belief that I have the ability to become better, to gain knowledge, to learn to understand concepts which I have never before been able to understand. I believe this is true...otherwise I would never have been able to become what I have already become.
And so I continue...
Pictures of the San Diego Temple (one of the most beautiful temples in my opinion!).
