Dear Father

Dear Father,
I need thy holy hand
To bless me
That I might understand.
I need thy holy heart
To hear my lowly plea,
Which cometh from the depths of me.

The Holy Spirit

I want to write a little bit today, about something I heard someone say in Stake Conference last week.

He was talking about the Holy Ghost, the voice which inspires us to do good in our hearts, and how it communicates with us.   He talked about how it is a very quiet voice, still and small.   So in order to hear it, we must take time to silence other things in our lives, in order to listen to it every day.  This means actual physical noises as well as other distractions.  

The thing that struck me about it was this:  There are so many voices in the world.  And they are all shouting at us about what we should do, how we should think, and how to spend our time.  And the voices of the world actually speak louder than the Holy Spirit's voice.  So if we are not actively trying to seek influence from God and his spirit, and actively shutting out other noises in order for us to be able to listen, we are most likely to miss the spirit's subtle whisperings.

 I have heard in my mind and felt in my heart this voice many times. It is a whisper in my soul, which comes as a thought or a feeling of rightness, of goodness, or peace.  It helps me to know what is right, when I cannot know of myself.  It directs me when I do not know which direction to take.  It comforts me when I am suffering.   Sometimes it comes as a feeling of uneasiness, of warning, of danger.  There have been multiple times in my life when I have not heeded the spirit's warnings and have regretted it.  And many times when I have heeded its promptings and then been so grateful for its guidance in my life.

I find I hear the voice of the Spirit generally much more clearly just after I have prayed.  I think my own direct communication with God opens up the communication line even wider for his Spirit to be able to directly communicate with me. 

After hearing the talk at Stake Conference I was inspired to try harder to listen to the Spirit's quiet whisperings.  I have felt a surge of help this week through many different personal struggles. I have been very aware of God's quiet strength accompanying me.   I am so grateful to him for this great blessing.

 

Thou art Merciful

I feel to write to my God today,
Who has saved me.
I do not mean from hell,
Or from the grave,
But from the choices I would have made
That would have caused me great pain,
Without His direction.

My God, Thou art merciful.

I feel to write to my God,
Who has shown me a better way
And though right now my road is lonely
And very painful at times
I know he is preparing me
For a greater joy,
For a better life to come.

Oh my God, Thou art so merciful.
 

When toward bitter winds

When toward bitter winds I face,
I try to hold my ground,
To keep my place
I try to keep my head up high,
Not turn away,
And not to cry

To never show that I feel so
Displaced.

It isn't easy when
Everything is falling on you, and from you,
Again, and again.
It isn't easy when
The wind is biting, and piercing
And your eyes are fighting
To stay open
And even when they close they feel
So cold and dry.
But still I fight because
I want to win this race.
I want to say I tried
With all my might,
With all my strength.
I want never to give in,
I want to take the prize,
I want to win this race.

Struggles

"I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me."
... 2 Nephi 4:18

Why even when our greatest desires are to do good, it is still so difficult not to wander off the path that God would have us follow?  Why do sins so easily beset me? Jesus was certainly right when he said, "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak".
Nonetheless, as Nephi also said - "I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions...he hath filled me with his love." (2 Nephi 4:19-21)

The more I live, the more I realize just how much forgiveness is a gift from Christ for ALL of us, for which we all have great need, because we all make mistakes, and we all commit sins which cause ourselves and others harm. I realize more and more that repentence is one of the first principles of the gospel because it is an absolutely essential process for each of us, that we might come to a knowledge of our wrongs, that we might be humble, that we might learn to overcome them, and that we might be washed clean through Christ's atoning sacrifice.
      "All we like sheep have gone astray"... but through Christ, "though our sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow, though they be as crimson, they shall be as wool."
       This is a great comfort to me as I stumble through this road they call "Life", that even though I make mistakes, though I falter and I fall again and again and again - I know that if I keep trying, if I keep looking with steadfastness towards Christ, eventually he will help me to overcome all of my weaknesses.

Jesus said:  "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

And in Ether he said:
 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."  (Ether12: 27)

Oh, how I want God to make my weaknesses strong!   But I know I must be patient and trust in him.

One of my very favorite scriptures is Moroni 7:48:
 "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons [and daughters!] of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure.
Amen.

I live

It seems like truth keeps turning
Like it's changing
Like I'm trying to find the top of the world
And suddenly I realize
I'm on the bottom
Or that
there is no bottom,
No top
Only this place I happen to be standing
Which is moving
At every moment
And everything is relative
And everything is easy
And nothing is simple
And everything is hard.
I am trying to find the stable ground
They speak of
The solid rock, the sound, strong place
Where nothing wavers
Where I face the world
With solid faith.

I am looking for the truth
Even if it's changing or
If time is rearranging things
So everything is different.
But everything is always different,
And everything is always the same
And nothing is ever different, or the same.

Eternity is forever new, and newness is forever old
The new souls continue to be born
And the old souls continue to be older
And so they are new, too.
I think that this is true.

And when we reach into our depths we find, we too
Are springs of everlasting life,
Of thoughts
Of time,
We cannot become old
Or,
We cannot become new. 
Or we can forever become new,
Again, and again, and again.
We are the same,
But ever changing
Ever reinventing and creating
It is the way of life, of living things
We want to see things moving
And progressing
And so progress remains
The ever constant state
of everything.

How I love to live,
How I love to move and breathe
And not have any breath ever, ever be the same
Every breath is fresh
And every breath will change a little
Who I am
It moves me
And I move through space
And after I breathe next,
Nothing will ever be the same, again
Because I changed something,
And I can never take it back,
And I have given something to the world,
And it has given to me,
And I have lived.  

Seeking truth

Sometimes the pathway to follow is not very clear.  Sometimes it seems like God lets us wander around in the murk for a while before he gives us any answers.   Sometimes it seems like the questions we have wondered for years will be the ones that might never be answered, that we will have to "wait until the next life" to find.   Need it be this way?  I have heard it said, "Everyone that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened".  I suppose these words give no indication as to exactly "when" we shall receive the answers we seek, but that eventually they will come.  Perhaps if we were to seek more diligently we could find more of the answers which we desire. 

To seek implies work, it implies a period of time, a period of searching, of wandering.  In the process of some of my quests for truth, I have observed myself learn lessons I was not seeking, but it seems the Lord intended for me. 

Sometimes it seems we are kept from the truth we seek for a time, in order that we become aware of other truths that only God knew we needed to know. 

Sometimes wrong choices, if reflected upon, can lead us to the right ones, or at the very least, to better ones. 

Should we try to make wrong choices then?  I don't think so.  We are certain to make enough of them as we try to make the right ones. 

We can live our entire lives based on many true precepts, but a few false ones can cause a lot of heartache and missed opportunities.  I would like to avoid this, if possible.  And yet, I know that every experience, or lack thereof, is an experience in and of itself.  And I know God gives all his blessings to each of his children who seek them, eventually - but some blessings may not be given to some until the next life.  Sometimes it is because of choices we make, sometimes it is because of choices others make, sometimes it is because of a natural occurrence - a sickness, or accident, or something else, that we having blessings taken from us, or never have the chance to receive them.  But eventually I believe everyone will have the opportunity to receive every good thing. 

I believe there is a source of pure truth, that there is a divine being/beings who know everything there is to know, and that this being's desire is for my learning and growth and happiness.  

I seek truth.  I desire learning, I desire growth, in every shape and form. 

I believe questioning is vital.  Searching is vital.  Seeking truth from God is vital.   Seeking truth from experience is vital.  Listening, and studying, pondering, and praying, is vital.  One scripture I love says, "Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom.... Seek learning, even by study, and also by faith".   

I believe one of the main reasons God sent us to earth was to gain experience.   He knows we cannot truly learn anything well but through experience.   And so I ask myself, what are the experiences that would be best for me to have? What are the best ways to learn? To find happiness, to find love? 

I believe in natural laws, and I believe in a God who didn't necessarily create natural laws, but abides perfectly in them.  He understands the laws of nature, including the laws of spiritual nature such as happiness and misery, joy and sadness, pleasure and pain, justice and mercy, and he understands the actions and reactions that exist because of those laws. 

I believe God abides perfectly in the law of love, which is what makes him God. 

I believe it is our task to try to learn to also abide in the law of love, and that this is what brings us true happiness. And I believe that God gives us other laws, and guidelines to help us know how to abide in love.   For instance..."Thou shalt not kill", "Thou shalt not covet", "Thou shalt not commit adultery", are all commandments to help us live the way love dictates.   "Love is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked"... are others.   And to "mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort", is another.   All of them stem from one beautiful law: to love. 

I love truth, and I wish God could fill me completely with it right now.  But I know we are all works in progress, and God cannot suddenly transform us into different people.  He won't do this because he loves the people we are, and he doesn't want to just turn us into somebody different, but he wants us be become the person that he sees we have the potential to become.   This is a natural process, which takes time.    Just as a little child must learn and grow in the proper time, so must we (who are, after all, God's children), and he will not force the process upon us.  It cannot work that way.  We have to learn and grow and feel and experience and laugh and cry and love and live.   And thus we grow, bit by bit by bit.  And we can come to more and more realizations with time.  We become older and wiser.  And if we strive to become better people, we can do this, as well. 

I am so grateful for a God who lets us live, who lets us make choices, who lets us be ourselves, who expects us to learn both by study and by faith and by experience.   

I wish I could learn faster, but like the apostle Paul, I must learn "to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself".   And all the while, I keep a hope in my heart for improvement, for progression. 

I pray God will help me find all the answers which I seek.